a journey

To all here ,..if I may,.... This is in refference to the different grief. I have expierienced all of these feelings as well. 3 different times,..and let me say,......it is different each time. Sure you go through all the basics with each,...but each child is different and unique in their own way,...and so are your feelings for them. For someone to say " a loss is a loss ",...it is partially true,...but mostly not.ALL parents ,..still have that gut wrenching pain in their heart,...but , ( at least for me),...everyone grieves differently,...and proceeds through the process at a different pace. There are many times , ( or days ), that I may have a low period, and Char is there to help me through.Then,...there are days that my stage of the grief process is at a different point than hers, and I would be consoling her. At times, when Jason passed, that I didn't know WHAT to do. My first loss.How do I get through this,....How can I be the strong one for my wife and other son. But , I did. When Jerry Jr passed away. WoW,...WHAT A BLOW TO THE HEART ! Now , here is the 2nd loss. I was very angry with God,....I cursed at God,....I didn't want anything to do with him,...at all. These were feelings that I had for quite some time. Didn't return to work until I absolutely had to. Over 3 months to be exact. Then , I realized that I still had my beautiful daughter Tiffany who was special needs, and needed extra care like Jerry did before he passed. I also realized that my very beautiful wife Char was looking to ME for support and I had to grab myself by the boot straps, and get my act together, so that I may be her rock and comforter. After all, we shared our grief of our boys together,....WE WERE MOM & DAD ! For the next 13 years, It was Tiffany Angel , Mom, and Dad. How lucky I felt,...to be the provider to these 2 beautiful ladies in my life. " Our boys are away at college",.. I use to joke about,...and they're watching over us. When Tiffany started getting sick, ( Dec 2008 ),....we ,( as any other loving parent would do), made it our extreme passion to care for her, and be right there for her,..24/7. By now , she is in the hospital ( again ),..and in the I C U. We were there for months. When she came out, (that time),...she had all this extra equipment on board,...but,..again, as we always did,...we made it our passion to do whatever we needed to do,..to keep her well,comfortable,..and happy. For the next few months , she was in and out of the hospital, and MOM & DAD right there with her again 24/7....lol......( I guess we liked the hospital food). When we came back home,..and after a couple of weeks passed,...God told our precious daughter ,..ENOUGH IS ENOUGH,...and he took her by the hand , and guided her home to be with her brothers. This time ,..with our 3rd and last loss of our children,...it was ( and still is ) different, than it was with our sons. As someone told us,..." its like you are grieving all over again for all 3 children this time". But the grief ,..is different. Instead of being angry with God and cursing at him,...I was disappointed in him, for not making our daughter feel better. After stewing about this thought for a while,..(weeks),..I came to realize that he DID in fact make my daughter feel better. He took away all of her pain ,and discomfort, and made her whole, at peace,..and perfect in every way. What a blessing for her ! Concluding with all this,.....isn't that what all parents want for their children,......to have the BEST of everything.............CAN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT,....TO BE FACE TO FACE WITH GOD HIMSELF, and TO RESIDE IN HEAVEN WITH HIM.......THERE IS A GOD,...AND HE IS REAL <3....peace and love to all